Author: Sarah J. Maas
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA Children’s
Date: August 7, 2012
Genre: YA- Fantasy
Source: Publisher

So I read the much anticipated Throne of Glass- which I read somewhere as being stupidly hailed as a teenage, chick-lit version of Game of Thrones. Now I can’t really attest to that, having only watched two episodes of Game of Thrones before deciding that there wasn’t anyone good looking enough on it to want to see them naked and hell, I live in the south so I see enough incest in real life as it is. So if it does live up to its description then oh gee boy. We may just have the new “If you like so and so then you’ll like this” book and there will be a whole new crop of knock off books that are all JUST ALIKE.

Celaena Sardothien has just been made an offer she can’t refuse. Serving out a life or “until” sentence in the King’s iron mines, is a lowly state for a mighty assassin such as herself to have fallen. The alternative, however, could just prove to be worse. The King is gathering warriors. He claims that he is in need of a champion to protect him from the wrath his bloody and vicious rule has earned him. Celaena isn’t a fool and she hasn’t survived a year in the mines (when most usually only last days) to fall for the idea that the king needs a hero. He needs a lackey, preferably a deadly one, to carry out deeds that even the cruelest of kings won’t admit to. Celaena is given the choice of killing for the man who ruined her life or spending what’s left of it toiling away in his mines. But the decision to serve him isn’t the hardest task that faces the young assassin. Before she can sell her soul in servitude to a man she truly loathes, she’ll have to fight for the privilege and she’ll have to fight to the death.

Several things irked me to no end about this story. First and foremost, the names. Since this is a fantasy novel, and most of its readers will most likely be fantasy buffs, they’ll understand when I refer them to the Random Fantasy Character Name Generator. There are several online. True story. You go and click a button and it gives you a random name to use in character creation. Since it’s randomized, it’s not uncommon to get a series of letters that make absolutely no sense or worse, when spoken aloud, make no recognizable sound. The names in this book were absolutely atrocious but did in fact make for a good time playing “guess what animal makes THIS sound!” with all their ridiculousness. All my feeble attempts at pronunciation did serve one very good purpose- they didn’t allow me any time to dwell on the fact that the storytelling is nails-down-chalk-board terrible, and I was able to focus on the parts of it I enjoyed enough to keep reading- the supernatural mystery taking place and the slow to bloom lurve.

The story was of course, entirely unbelievable, which is quite alright since this was a fantasy. I think a great chunk of my inability stemmed from the nearly nonexistent world building. Truly, the story could have taken place in a bottle and it would have made little difference since there really wasn’t a very defined setting to start with. The plot line and the characters reaction to it was just rather naive, bordering on hokey with decisions and actions that seemed nonsensical in regards to the circumstances. After the first fifty or so “Well why wouldn’t she just, or that makes absolutely no sense” I gave up trying to see reason and just shut my trap and enjoyed the story. She is an uber assassin, right, and she hates your king and people? Well hell yeah, let her run around freely, befriend royalty and feed her lots of candy!

And it WAS enjoyable. Even with the unpronounceable names, the killer prom queen (and she sure did think highly of herself) Bratz doll main character (dubbed Assassin Barbie by my book club- not only is she physically perfect but she comes with all kinds of pretty dresses and accessories!) and the inevitable love triangle. It was fast paced and entertaining and there were several really likeable characters- I’d tell you about them but I just can’t remember their names (OErUOERjo Aofuaowefu O#WU$#AU$EU# and Mike, I think). I eventually began to cheer for Celaena, (who started the story with her head so firmly up her own ass that she could have served as a human wheel) and she thankfully (AND THANK GOD) went through a great deal of believable, documented and recognized growth that finally had her in my favor.

So final verdict: I liked it despite its faults, but you have to read it with a grain of salt as it is REALLY poor quality- which doesn’t seem to stop me from liking a lot of today’s YA. I just tend to like the seedy side of YA…I mean hell, I LOVE the HoN series. It was a fun quick read with a supporting cast I quickly grew to adore. Team Chaol btw.

Girl in the Arena by Lise Haines
Published October 13th 2009 by Bloomsbury
Goodreads
Website

From Goodreads: It’s a fight to the death—on live TV—when a gladiator’s daughter steps into the arena.

Lyn is a neo-gladiator’s daughter, through and through. Her mother has made a career out of marrying into the high-profile world of televised blood sport, and the rules of the Gladiator Sports Association are second nature to their family. Always lend ineffable confidence to the gladiator. Remind him constantly of his victories. And most importantly: Never leave the stadium when your father is dying. The rules help the family survive, but rules—and the GSA—can also turn against you. When a gifted young fighter kills Lyn’s seventh father, he also captures Lyn’s dowry bracelet, which means she must marry him…

I’ve been wanting to read this one. It looked to have an interesting premise- not quite dystopian, rather set in modern times with a few twists. Gladiator competitions have become a major sport, just like football or hockey, only in Gladiator sports, the opponents in the arena fight to the death. Not really all that far fetched. We are a vile, violent race on the whole and I can think of a handful of people, just of my acquaintance who would happily put on their beer guzzling helmets and wave their giant foam fingers while two people hack each other to bits in the name of entertainment. If you look at it like that it’s only slightly less civilized than football, and perhaps a bit more so than hockey

I’d like to clear up that even though, when one sees the title, one could speculate that this is merely a Hunger Games wannabe, but it’s not. There are countless differences and very few similarities. I think perhaps the biggest difference (and perhaps the biggest plus for this novel) is that Lyn’s story is entirely believable. A big multimillion dollar entertainment corporation owns and operates a sports association, profiting from all the publicity, advertising and merchandising that goes along with it. The fight to the death- not so unbelievable. It’s happened in the past, and it happens today in other less demonstrative forms. I liked that. Lyn and her family lived in the suburbs, owned lots of needlessly high-tech, futuristic gadgets (just as we do and will), she went to high school and so on. I could really get into the story because for the most part, it’s stuff I’ve seen first hand and could picture it. Except for the killing part.

I got a kick out of all the Gladiator culture, with its idiotic rules and regulations, and its people who believe in it wholeheartedly. It reminded me a lot of a religious cult and it was just as ridiculous.

I wasn’t sold on the writing; it was rather flat. When I read I like to mark (yes by dogearing the bottom corner of the page) specific passages where the writing stands out to me, or if there’s a quote that I know I want to share. I didn’t find any memorable examples in this book and I was less than impressed by the fact that it took over 3/4 of the book to get to the point. When it finally did arrive at the “big event”, it was rather anticlimactic. I was really hoping for a good fight.

Kudos for shamelessly writing some really gross stuff- dismemberment and suicide and humans trampling humans. And even though I shouldn’t have been, I was very much team Uber.